Kindled
by Lady Yami
Summary: Genderswap. A month after Arendelle's recovery, Hannah of the Southern Isles faces the consequences of her actions. When an unusual deal is offered to the dethroned royal, she may have to swallow her pride, cut her losses, and thaw her own frozen heart in order to survive. Hansla & Kristanna.
1. Chapter 1: Coarse

Kindled

Chapter 1: Coarse

By: Lady Yami / Moonybell

_AN: Hello. I feel like I should preface this by immediately stating this is a GENDER SWAP. It takes place after the movie. If you do not like gender swaps, then...you will not like this. It is Hans/Elsa and Anna/Kristoff, except y'know...swapped genders. Why did I decide to swap the genders? I'm not particularly sure, but it's fun to write. Feedback appreciated, hi and stuff. For clarification:_

_Hannah = Hans _

_Elias = Elsa_

_Arvid = Anna_

_Kjerstin = Kristoff_

_I don't own Frozen, etc._

X X X

I woke up this morning not quite knowing if I'd be executed or not.

Most of my nights had been sleepless, really. What bitter snatches of rest I had were pervaded by nightmares. In the easy to swallow ones, I was simply executed. In the horrifying ones, I was left alone to die in a cell somewhere. For the thousandth time it seemed, I glanced between the weathered bars of my confines and out towards my kingdom. If I could call it my kingdom, anymore. Over and over, it summoned the image of King Elias, bound and desperate. _Irony _didn't even begin to cover it, I thought. My shackles clattered as I turned on my cot. No. Didn't even begin to cover it. The rough-spun fabric of my coarse dress dragged over my dry cheek. I remembered to wince.

Footfalls made heavy by soldiering boots echoed down the hallway outside my cell. The bolt slid, and with a wheezing creak, I had company.

"Hannah." Sighed the third eldest, Felix. "It's time." Two soldiers stepped forwards to pick me up, while my brother watched dispassionately. He didn't make eye contact with me anymore. Not that he did much to begin with. It mattered not anyway, for a cloth sack was put over my head. I wondered what the point of that was, really. Everyone knew about the Southern Isles' evil princess. The venomous snake who'd courted one royal to kill the other. That was me. What was the point of a sack?

I'd really done a number on myself. And my family. I struggled to care about the latter. Seems as though they'd kill me anyway. My clan was a veritable group of experts at brushing their hands of things they found vulgar as quickly and apathetically as could be done. I knew this dearly, because I was many times the one cast aside.

Between my cell and the palace, I caught a few blessed seconds of the tropical breeze my country was celebrated for. It wasn't long before I was counting the familiar twenty three steps to the throne room under my feet, and the smell of father's cigars that clung to the upholstery. Mother so hated him smoking in there, but he did anyway. It was good to be king.

I heard a great rustling of feet, coughing, and general awkwardness that always came with these meetings. I'm sure my identity caused the situation to be more delicate still. The sack was pulled from my head. Less people than I'd originally surmised would be in attendance. The King and Queen must have done their best to keep it as private as possible. Still, there was everyone important. My parents. All twelve of my siblings, all brothers in proud military uniforms.

I'd been in a stupor for most of my arrest, the whole listless month of it, and even with my own death growing closer, I'd felt quite removed from it all. I'd been as numb as I could be, until I caught my reflection in the grand mirror that adorned the side of the room. One on each wall, to make the room look bigger, mother had said. Much of my childhood had played out in those mirrors. Playing, reading at my father's feet, watching him run the country. The time when one of my brothers let a frog lose during a visiting dignitary's speech. I could not have imagined the reflection it threw back at me now.

They'd cut my hair off. I knew that, of course. I knew why they did it. It was one of the first things they'd done. Shame, shame on you. Let your hair fall as far as your dignity. You've lost the privilege. Ginger locks stuck out at uneven angles, hastily sliced. Boy short, and so uncouthly jagged. Purple bags were stark under my seagreen eyes. I'd once thought myself at least half decent looking. I couldn't brush Mother's austere beauty, certainly, or the Snow King's perfection. I mourned my hair, more than my own life, for a moment. If they were going to kill me, they could have at least buried me with it. I felt it was my right as a woman. I tried to straighten my back. Nights of insomnia and a hard cot did my spine no service. I withered, just a bit.

The King stood. The hush intensified, if possible. One of my brothers- I couldn't tell you who, came up behind me and pushed me to my knees. In the silence of the hall, my own indignant squeak of pain was boomingly loud. My mother winced, turning her head away. The trial was swift.

"Hannah, Princess of the Southern Isles." He started, steely gaze unflinching as ever. "You have made attempts on an innocent life. And not only that, you made attempts on the life of the king of one of our allies." He gained momentum. "You manipulated Prince Arvid, plotted against countless allied emissaries, and attempted to take the life of King Elias." He paused again, seeming to have trouble continuing. I dared to look up, and regretted it. I'd never seen my father have any trouble telling anyone anything. Ever. My brothers were a mix of emotion, from cold to barely holding back tears. The twelfth son, and my twin, was being held back by two others. I'm sorry, Aron, I wanted to tell him, but couldn't. His voice broke a bit. "Hannah, Princess of the Southern Isle. Thirteenth of my children. My only girl." His voice cracked. "You are sentenced to death for treason."

I didn't move, I'd already expected it. Aron swore. The audience mumbled. My sentence was mete. The sack was pulled back over my head, and I was already being pulled to my feet in a daze.

The last thing I heard, as I was pulled from the throne room, was my mother's wail: a solitary, high pitched thing that shattered what was left of my heart.

X X X

I woke up cold. In the early dawn of my kingdom, it was cool. But never cold. There was a great commotion from outside. I was torn, then, between letting myself sleep or waking up to spend the last few hours of my short life doing something. What could I do, really? Pray? Hardly. I'll save my dignity. What was left of it. I fingered my destroyed locks morosely.

"I beg of you, y-" A guard's voice called out. My, that was a lot of people. Could they truly need half the guard to bring a half-starved girl to her death? Seemed like overkill, to me. The people's taxes being squandered, as usual. Well. At least I wouldn't have to worry about that business any longer. Or my hair. Or anything, really. Another day in this horrid, sandpapery excuse for a garment would probably be too much for me, anyway.

I pulled myself to a sitting position shakily, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my head atop them. I listened to the tumultuous storm of whatever drew closer, and dearly wished for a sandwich. My very soul called for a sandwich. I was just dreaming about pickles when the noise finally reached my door.

"I insist, you leave the lady in peace. Rest assured, her sentence will be carried out as per our law. You need not worry that justice will not be-"

"Oh, do bugger off." Came a crisp, confident voice.

"H-hey. El. That's not nice, he's only doing his job. And you can't just-" Came another, achingly familiar one.

Then, my door blew open. I did not expect that. I put forth my best effort at a royal shriek of feminine indignation, my last one, and barely managed to croak. Bugger. A glass of water with that sandwich would be just heavenly. I'd somehow summoned the energy to stand up on my cot, back to the wall. I couldn't get far, due to my shackles.

King Elias of Arendelle stood in the doorway to my prison cell. I stared. Dust from the shattered door mingled with glittering ice crystals in the pink dawn light. From behind him, Prince Arvid starred at me with great dark owl eyes, freckled face nervous.

I took a shuddery breath.

"Hello, Hannah." Said the Snow King, calm as a glacier despite all the bumbling guards around him. "Fancy seeing you here."

My chains rattled as I plopped down again.

That wasn't a sandwich at all.


	2. Chapter 2: Winds at Your Back

Kindled

By: Lady Yami / Moonybell

Chapter 2: Winds At Your Back

AN: Yay chapter two. Sorry it's a bit slowing starting off. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

I don't own Frozen, Disney does.

x x x

Dust, dust everywhere. And a King, a King that was not a sandwich. A King that had every reason in the world to kill me. And was highly capable of it. I'd seen his prowess, back on that ill-fated night on the mountain. Clumsy, uncertain, but there.

"So." I choked, waving the haze in the air away from me, "Father's granted the killing blow to you. Fair enough, I suppose." It occurred to me then, that I had not used my own voice in quite some time. What need for it was there, alone in my cell? And then in a court where even if I spoke, I was good as mute? It was a croaking, ugly thing.

King Elias leaned against the doorframe, oblivious to the now literally shivering guards. Arvid peered at me, freckled face painted with duress. There was a different drive to the Snow King now. More confidence. Grace. The fear of himself that kept him weak was fading, just a bit. I'd shed that a long time ago. No, not so much shed as ripped away as fast as I could. Thirteenth born, and a girl, but most of my brothers were hard pressed to defeat me in a sword fight. I was torn between wanting a blade to defend myself, and wanting to just die already. My life was so very annoying, lately.

I was just so very tired. I remained in my slump. "Well?" I pressed in my frog's voice. After a scalding stare, his lids dropped just a bit, smile crossing his lips.

"You look like hell, Hannah."

I gestured grandly to my cell. "As you can see, my amenities are lacking. Perhaps if I'd known you were coming, I would have had the rats fetch me a more appropriate set of rags." I drawled. Funny, that seeing him was the first time I'd felt so alive in a long time. Right before my own death, of all things.

Arvid rolled his eyes.

"It seems even the death penalty hasn't dulled that tongue of yours." He sighed. I shrugged at my would-be husband. It would never have worked, anyway. Two gingers cannot procreate. Far too many freckles, you see.

"Whatever are you here for?" I sighed, truly exhausted, bone and soul. "Are you going to drop me off a boat, again?" I asked. The prince had, very unceremoniously, picked me up around my waist and dropped me into the harbor. It was probably better he stepped between myself and that horrid mountain woman, anyway. The one who stank of reindeer. Ugh.

"Quite the opposite, actually." The Snow King said smoothly, sliding forwards through the shaft of sunlight that lit my bed, shadow covering me. He radiated cool, and the smell of winter nights. "You're getting ON a boat with us."

What little moisture was left in my throat dried up. He must have seen the fear in my face, because he smiled. It really lit his eyes up, in a very unsavory way.

"Why?" I rasped.

"Oh, that's for me to know, and you to find out." He shrugged, voice almost a purr. He breezed past the guards. Arvid lingered a moment, before shrugging at me melodramatically and scrambling after his brother. My heart creaked to a rusty start for the first time in a while, animated with fear. Strange, to be more afraid of the unknown, than death. I had anticipated death. I knew that it was a risk, in the game I set to play. What would he do with me? Sell me into the sex trade? Enslave me? Lock me in a keep? I'd swallow my own tongue, I would. I would die with my dignity. I'd already decided that. I steeled myself for the worst.

Another listless day passed. When darkness began to fall, I received another visitor. This time, I had the surprise of Augustus Reinert's presence. My swordsmanship teacher. He'd been gray since I was a child, it seemed, and never did his face change. Still imposing at God-knows-what age, he closed the door behind him, after checking to make sure nobody was behind him. He'd been one of the only ones to acknowledge my existence, growing up. Looking into his hazel eyes, I felt a true inkling of shame. His opinion mattered to me. And it was broken, I knew that.

"Hannah." He never called me "your majesty" or anything of that sort. I liked that. He spoke slowly, deliberately, voice made gritty from war smoke. He never smoked or drank, always preferring tea. My father often remarked that was the secret to his apparent immortality. It was quite a spectacle, to see a huge armored warrior delicately enjoying tea from a porcelain cup. He settled down on the edge of my cot, leathers and sword making a familiar sound.

The smell of weapon oil and spearmint tea brought me to happier days, sunsets swinging a wooden sword in the courtyard while the maids watched in horror. I wore trousers. I loved trousers, for a long time. I traded them for silks and lace, sure. But I never thought to give up the sword. I felt like giving that up would be giving up on Augustus, who'd taken time out of his grand life to teach a scrapling princess to spar when her own parents deemed her unworthy of much. "They're taking you to Arendelle."

I nodded, unable to break eye contact with him. I almost never was. He arrested you with his presence. He was special. He was special, and good. And I was small, and wicked, and I knew it. I tucked myself against the wall, silent. He reached into his breast pocket, pulling out a slender leather sheathe. A tan pommel glinted in the dying sunlight. "I don't know what they're going to do to you, Hannah." He spoke quietly, not wanting the guards to hear. "You...you've brought us much shame."

I nodded. Hearing it hurt. "But..." He trailed off, reaching out to take one of my hands and placed the dagger in it. "I will not see my little lady become a whore." He closed my fingers around the dagger. "I hope that King Elias is a good man, I do. But you have wronged him terribly, and revenge can make even good men forget their hearts." He squeezed his hands over mine. "Don't let that happen. For both yourself, and me." I bit my lip, but nodded, tears pricking my eyes. I'd not cried through all of this, even when I'd been sentenced. But seeing Augustus hurt me.

"I won't." I whispered. He rescinded his grip, rising with a song of weaponry and leather. "I promise."

He stood stiffly, as if taking me in for the last time. It was a sorry sight, with my hacked locks and bare feet. After a sharp breath, he saluted me. I found the strength to return it. If I gave anyone my last smile, it would be him. My lips cracked as I delivered it. It hurt.

"Goodbye, my little lady." He said quietly, and departed. I was left alone in the dark.

x x x

The ship to Arendelle set off quite early in the morning. There was no one to see me off. I didn't expect it. Nor did I want it. Shackled, with a sack over my head, I shivered on the docks. At least they'd given me shoes. A frigid breeze from in front of me could only mean one thing: King Elias.

"Well, let us bring our esteemed guest aboard." His voice rang out, smooth. With a jolt and a rattle, I was pulled forwards.

After much shuffling, yelling, and generally unpleasant odors, I felt the ship moving. After a while, a cool hand pulled me to my feet. I'd been unceremoniously dumped against the side of the ship, where I'd sat, too weak to stand even if I wanted to.

Stumbling to my feet, my vision reeled for a moment. Dehydration made you dizzy, being on a ship doubled that. I grabbed what was near me for support, as per instinct. The thing grabbed me back, tight around the wrist, and pulled me up in time before my knees could hit the deck. The sack was yanked off my head.

It was indeed King Elias holding my wrist. I dropped to my knees, staring up at him. He was beautiful, platinum hair tossing in the wind. Blue eyes went from my face, then forwards. I followed his gaze, and watched my country's coastline fade into the morning mist. My teeth chattered in the wind, and his proximity.

"I hope it was worth it." He spoke, eyes still on the coast. "Losing everything, that is."

"I never had anything to begin with." I responded. All I had now was a dagger tucked into my bosom.


	3. Chapter 3: Crazy Plan 2

Kindled

Chapter 3: Crazy Plan Number Two

AN: Yay! Sorry for the long chapter, but the plot actually moves this time, I promise. Who doesn't love crazy ginger royalty? Eh? Eh? I mean, Anna's a bit more on the blonde side, but still...

Reviews are vastly appreciated and provide lots of much needed motivation. Pretty please. You know you want to.

I don't own Frozen! I can't even get their bits right!

x x x

Growing up on an island, boats weren't precisely an unfamiliar thing to me. True, as a royal, I was afforded the privilege of smooth-sailing luxury cruisers. But my father was insistent my brothers learned to sail, just like our merchant forefathers. I'd sort of muscled in on the deal, really. My "Trouser Days" as my mother would sigh.

I loved the ocean. I loved water. The smell of it, the feel of it. Many times stuck in my room or in some stuffy meeting, I'd wished to be on a little schooner with my twin, idling the afternoon away.

I felt none of that right now. Two days aboard had left me wishing for my prison cell, if possible. Every roll and heave of the ship brought me closer to vomiting. They'd graced me with a copper pitcher full of water, at least, though it made the water taste like blood to me. I could seldom sip it. I think it made it worse. Possibly.

Elias had gone to his quarters. Arvid was somewhere doing something I guessed was silly. They'd unceremoniously thrown me in a cell. The tiny room was quite similar to the one I'd made my return voyage from Arendelle in. I was shackled to the wall, most of the time. For all his drama, he'd merely left me alone.

Someone forgot to re-shackle me after one of my stretch breaks. I took the opportunity to explore, and see if I could escape. I wasn't going to die, at least not until we reached Arendelle. Somehow, between then and now, I had to escape. I was shaking off the listless, heavy shroud of my imprisonment. I didn't want to die.

I had lots of shit to do. Lots of it.

After sitting still in a cramped room for too long, I decided it reminded me far too much of my dread-laced voyage back to my kingdom. Tentatively, I rose to my wobbly feet, slinking towards the deck. No one shouted at me, or really seemed to mind me. The breeze felt wondrous. I was intensely dizzy. I'd not eaten more than scraps during my imprisonment. I'd been offered bread, but barely picked at it. My stomach seemed to reject the thought of food, despite my earlier ravenous thoughts.

Stars, as far as the eye could see. Thousands upon thousands, like diamonds haphazardly tossed from God's very pocket. And the aurora. Pink, pale blue, and gold pulsed in a ribbon across the sky. Truly, we were almost in the Snow King's domain. My heart sank.

What grim fate awaited me there? I still had the dagger. No one had thought to search me. I think none dared touch me. I knew enough Northern to talk to the sailors well enough, but they had little interest in me. I could really say the feeling was mutual.

I got a few curious glances as I stood on deck, short hair blowing in the cool wind. I was so lost in watching the aurora that I barely noticed someone come up behind me until there was a blanket tossed at my feet.

"So...tryin' to starve yourself then freeze to death?" Arvid's tired voice was next to me. I kept my gaze straight ahead, ignoring the fiery haired prince. "Guess nobody thought to re-shackle you."

"You caught me." I offered, rolling my eyes. He didn't seem particularly bothered by my roaming. Good.

"Indeed. I'm surprised you're not asleep." He sighed.

"Likewise." I replied, looking at him now. The aurora reflected in his blue-green eyes.

"The sky's awake, so I'm awake." He smiled, as if remembering something nice. My teeth chattered. He knelt, and picked up the blanket. "It's kind of admirable, y'know, Hannah."

"What is, Arvid?" I replied, eyes still skyward.

"That you can, despite being de-throned, havin' your hair hacked off, starving, and shivering, you're still enough of an arrogant brat to decline a blanket." He laughed.

"Even if I'm not Princess Hannah anymore..." I started, listening closely to my own words, "I'm still Hannah." I turned my gaze to his in challenge. He responded by smiling at me, freckles crinkling, and putting the blanket over my head. I stood there indignantly. I couldn't see anything, now, but my own embarrassment.

"Goodnight Princess Sassypants. Oh! I'm sorry. Former Princess Sassypants." He chuckled as he wandered off.

I kept the blanket over my head. He couldn't see how red my face was, that way. For a split second, I wondered if he was going to do something horrid like roll me in a blanket and throw me overboard. Psh. I could probably escape. I am a strong swimmer, and this late in summer, the waters would be quite-

Aha.

x x x

King Elias came and found me again, the next day. Dawn was just breathing light into the world. I'd risen early, in an attempt to eat and stretch my lazy muscles into presentable order. I also had some...errands to attend to. I'd managed to do the last of my preparations while a sleepy sailor waited for me to finish my business. Supposed business. Being shackled to the wall didn't really help me, but it didn't hamper me as much as it could have, either.

He held a bundle in his hands. I was curled in my corner, in Arvid's blanket, plowing through a large amount of bread and cheese. I found that, after the first few bites, I was absolutely famished. I was guzzling water when the Snow King found me, peering into the doorway of my glamorous little cell.

"You're eating now. Fancy that." He raised a brow. I continued chewing. Whatever. He can suck on a toad. He settled across from me. In the small space of the closet-like room, our toes touched. Mine were bare, and unwashed. He wore a sharp black suit, hair slicked back. It seemed a futile effort, as it rather liked popping up in wild gold-white spikes. After a moment, he observed: "With your cheeks full and those dark circles under your eyes, you look like a chipmunk."

I gulped my food down balefully, chugging some nasty-tasting water. Out of habit, I straightened my back. "Says the panda." I shot back. His lips turned upwards, just a bit. He had dark circles of his own.

"Your usual charms aside...I have a request for you."

I stopped eating long enough to peer at him cautiously. "Oh? What does the great Snow King ask of this lowly Hannah?" I leaned back against the wall, wiggling my bare toes. He raised a brow at them, and the generally filthy state I was in. I hope it offends you!

He lobbed the bundle at me. It landed on my head. Was this a theme amongst brothers? I peeled it off my face, and found myself holding a simple green dress. Nothing too fancy, but leaps and abounds above my current rags. I also discovered a cream colored slip. I looked at him in confusion.

"Clean yourself up, if you please. And change." He rose to his full height, somewhat intimidating. "We'll be arriving within the next two hours."

"Why?" I bleated, inspecting the dress as if to see if it was somehow poisoned.

"Because you look like crap." He ghosted out of my glorious closet home, before turning at the last moment. "Oh, I forgot these. Terrible sorry." He then tossed a pair of bloomers onto my face.

Man. I really wish I had succeeded in killing him.

x x x

An hour later found yours truly, Hannah Westergard, Choppy Haired Former Princess of the Southern Isles, standing on deck. I'd changed, scrubbed what I could off my face, and fastened my hair into a miserable little ponytail. It was barely the length of my thumb.

"Your ponytail looks like a turd." Arvid offered, bleary eyed. He was not one for mornings.

"Your face looks like a turd." I said, studying the approaching coastline.

"Children." Elias chided.

"Oh! My sincerest apologies. Your face looks like a turd, _Your Majesty_." I grinned.

"Why did I almost marry her once?" Arvid bemoaned to his brother, who only shrugged.

"Turdface." I mumbled. I felt better, though. I rocked back and forth on my heels. There was fire in my veins, now, adrenaline. It'd been a while. My early morning hadn't been for naught.. Setup. Trying not to make myself obvious, I headed towards the edge of the ship, where I'd placed my simple yet vastly important tool.

Arendelle wasn't too far off at all now. We'd be in the harbor within minutes. Now was the crucial time. There were several islets dotting the eastern coast, one or two miles long each. The water was shallow here, and the ship had to move slow, carefully. I turned toward the princes, using my skirt to hide my prize.

"Question for you, Prince Turdface."

"Oh, and now she's got questions, even." King Elias raised his brows, seemingly in chipper spirits.

"Aye, m'lady Turdhead?" He turned to me, curious. I made a crook with my finger, bidding him come closer.

"I think I'm taller than you." I said flatly. "I just wanted to confirm it, really. When we danced, it was hard. I had to keep my head down." Arvid's ears reddened.

"Nuh uh! Not so!" He trounced over to me. I rolled my eyes, but put my back to his. The ship's rail was to my left. We pressed closely, each trying to get the upper hand. It involved a lot of butts touching, which a few months ago, would have pleased me immensely. What? I'm a healthy girl.

"King Elias should judge. You and I are crooked as such." I sniffed. I tried to calm my pounding heart. Easy girl, easy...Elias strode over to us, taller than me by a head a bit of shoulder. One long fingered hand came to rest atop my head.

I acted. In a split second, I grabbed the short wooden board I'd concealed, knocking the king downwards with a vicious blow. Arvid barely had time to cry out in alarm. The sailors surged forwards. I pulled the dagger from my breast, holding it to the prince's throat.

"Move and he dies, Northerners!" I bellowed. They quieted. My heart pounded wildly in my chest. Easy Hannah, easy...What would Augustus do? Well. He'd stare sternly at them and they'd pour him a cup of tea and apologize for existing. I didn't have that level of badass. I just had Hannah. But where Augustus was badass, I was desperate.

"Is there no end to your madness?" Arvid whispered frantically to me. "We aren't going to kill you, you crazy...crazy...ginger!"

"Quiet, also ginger," I hissed at him. King Elias was still on deck. A couple sailors moved to turn him. He was out cold. Good. He was the only danger amongst them. Still holding the dagger to Arvid's throat, I ripped my loosely laced dress off with one hand. I'd slit it down and along the side, making tiny incisions as to make ripping it off easy. A trick learned from a theater friend.

"I'm blonde! And I'm seriously worried about your brain." Arvid added. "...if kind of impressed, to be honest."

"Worry about your throat!" I launched back. Free of my dress and now in my light slip and bloomers, I moved my hand away from Arvid's throat, giving the prince a firm kick in the ass so he fell forwards. It was a nice butt. I wanted to touch it one last time. I admit it. I'm already a villian.

"Auf wiedersehen!" I called from atop the railing, waving enthusiastically. I then put the dagger firm in my teeth, and holding my lovely plank of floating goodness, hurled myself into the summer sea.

It was still very cold. Stupid Elias.

X X X

AN: To be continued. Oh Hannah, you is off the chain.


	4. Chapter 4: Drowning and Drugs

Kindled

By: Lady Yami / Moonybell

Chapter 4: Drowning and Drugs

AN: Ahahaha. Long chapter. Finally a moment between them. Sorry.

X X X

Oh, what glory was water. My dry skin burned instantly on contact with the salty water. I didn't mind it. Keeping my upper arms on the board, I began a furious kick towards a densely wooded isle, dagger still in my teeth. Honestly, I would have found the mental image of myself preposterous just a few months ago.

And for this month's issue of _Crazy Women _we have Former! Princess Hannah Westergard of the Southern Isles. She's seen here modeling Underwear Given to Her By Someone She Hates. She's just concussed aforementioned gentleman with the board she's using to flee for her life! Hannah's lovely dagger is courtesy of August Reinhart. Hair by Her Insane Brothers.

Yup. Lookin' good, Hannah. Lookin'. Good.

I risked a glance back at the ship, minding the dagger in my mouth. There was a great amount of general yelling and carrying about, but I saw no silver head. He'd been my only issue. By the time those neanderthals got a lifeboat down to chase me, I'd be well into the woods. My plan was nearly flaw-

My head went under.

I pulled myself back up. In the instinctual gasp for air, the dagger dropped. I grabbed for it. Ow. Salt water stung my open cuts. I managed to grab it by the hilt after a moment of fumbling, and jammed it in the board. Curse it all! An undertoe. Foolish of me. The narrow channel between isles were no stranger to such things. Swimming against it would drown me.

I pulled myself back out of the water, gasping. I tried to swim to the side, out of the current's grasp. Another vicious tug. I started to panic. If it didn't hold me underwater and drown me, it would drag me along the bottom and knock me out cold. Neither were options I really wanted to explore.

My out of shape body wasn't helping me any. I was too thin, muscles soft and unused. I pushed. Again, I went under. My sides seared. Excellent. A cramp. Augustus had always told me to stretch before swimming. I swam towards the surface, desperately clawing at water. It wasn't helping, I wasn't going up. And I was colder than before. There was a chill current behind me.

Drowning is a legitimate fear for anyone with a brain. I was no exception. I was terrified. My lungs burned, and there was an odd pressure between my ears. I thrashed, pouring in all the desperation of my dying animal body. The pain was lessening now, drifting away to some place. The last logical bit of my dying brain fought. I reached for the fading light.

A hand reached back.

X X X

I dreamed.

I drifted. All around me was dark. Far above, a tiny spark floated in the abyss. I grasped for it. It grew further and further, more miniscule with each passing moment. I opened my mouth to cry out, reaching.

A hand clasped mine.

The scenery changed. No longer dark, but a dreamy seascape. Perfect blue surrounded me, silvery fish darting past. Kelp waved gently in the current. My skirts billowed around me. My hair, intact and long, danced around my elbows.

King Elias floated in front of me, hand in mine. Palm to palm. Face to face. He smiled at me, gentle, eyes half lidded.

'Thank you', the last little shred of good in me tried to say.

But he was gone. I woke up. I was fairly certain they'd taken me to Arendelle to make me swallow sandpaper. That was what it felt, like, at least.

A reindeer licked my face.

Awkward. After a moment of general confusion, I pushed the reindeer to the side and tried to get my bearings.

"Ah, yer up." A blonde said, shooing the reindeer away. A long braid hung over her shoulder, which she swung back to place a tray of porridge. I was in a bedroom. A proper one, with a bed I didn't have to share with rats. If I hadn't felt like hell, I probably would have rolled myself up in the blanket screaming in joy.

My first thought was that she had a mighty jaw for a woman. I then felt bad, as I did, too, to be quite honest. Hazel eyes regarded me carefully. "Heard from m'man ya took a dip in the ocean. After holdin' a knife to his throat." She growled, stirring the porridge. She'd pulled the chair from the desk to my bed, resting there casually. She wore trousers. Trousers! I was a bit jealous. The embroidery on her sleeves was rather nice, my addled mind noted. It stirred a memory.

"Kjerstin. The ice...person."

"I'll have ya know I'm Arendelle's _Ice Mistress and Deliverer." _She sniffed, but even she seemed dubious of it.

"Arvid's mountain trick." I croaked.

"The one and only." She punched me on the shoulder. I was literally knocked over. She peered at me. After what seemed like a glint of murder in her eyes, she poured a glass of water from a pitcher on my nightstand.

"Sorry. Forgot ya just nearly died n' stuff." Her apology didn't seem entirely sincere. I didn't blame her. She pulled me back up, and thrust the glass of water into my hand. I briefly thought I'd like it if I never saw the ocean again, but my mariner heart wouldn't let such a thing happen. I sipped it carefully. At first. Seconds later, I guzzled it, not even caring when it slid down my chin and dribbled onto my breasts. I then grabbed the pitcher, and guzzled that, too.

Kjerstin leaned back in her chair, quirking a brow at me and trying not to laugh. I glared at her, then dumped the last bit of the pitcher over my head, scrubbing at my face.

"Nearly." I said. I could feel my cheeks reddening. "Who pulled me out?"

"Eli." Kjerstin said simply, confirming my suspicions, and then stirred the porridge again. "It was impressive, as he had a pretty good concussion and could barely see. Blood erry'where in that pretty blonde hair. Took two maids to scrub it out." I nodded, trembling at the memory. "Them undertoes are nothin' to scoff at."

"I know that." I said dryly, then caught myself. I...owed this castle now. Just a bit. Okay, a lot. I was torn, just a bit. I'd wronged him again and again, and then he'd gone and saved my life. It would have been easier to have drowned. I flopped back in bed.

"Ya gon' eat or not? I didn't let Sven drool in it."

I stared at the canopy above me. It looked expensive. "That's the reindeer, isn't it." I stated. It wasn't a question.

"Indeed! Now eat your porridge you ruddy nutjob. I'm only doin' this cuz Arvid asked me. I still feel like punchin' ya."

"Now's the time." I said honestly. Shakes came and went through my body. Malnourishment followed by a near death experience didn't do a body good.

"Quit yer melodrama-n!" She yanked me up again, and handed me the tray. "Now eat! Eat or Arvid won't let me leave this room ever. I got work to do."

I picked at my porridge. It was...porridge. But it was warm. The door clicked open, and Arvid stormed in.

"Kjersti! I told you, no Sven indoors!"

Kjerstin rose to her feet. I nearly choked on my porridge in laughter. In her boots, the mountainwoman was just a breath taller than the prince. He caught me looking.

"I'm taller than her when she's not in her boots!" He wagged a finger at me. "And nice stunt, by the way. You're a real piece o' work, you know that? Aughhh." He grabbed the chair, straddling it, head resting on his folded hands. "I mean, I totally thought you were nuts before, but now I think you're just batshit."

For some reason, hearing the innocent prince swear made me smile. He caught that. "God above, you're so weird."

"You nearly married me, once." I laughed, chomping away at my porridge...which was not a sandwich.

"Speaking of not a sandwich," I started, earning confused looks from the couple, which I ignored, "Where's the Snow King?" I gazed around, as if he might leap from behind the curtains. The mental image made me laugh.

Everything made me laugh.

"You drugged me." I beamed, managing to be incredibly happy while being just as angry.

"Turnabout's fair play, jerk!" Arvid shot back, grinning. It faded, just a bit. "But the doc said you were all torn up from twisting and turning, so it's for your own good."

"It's not a sandwich." I lamented.

"Do you want a sandwich? Because you have to finish your porridge first." Arvid chided.

"He's going to make a great father." Kjerstin sighed wistfully.

"Not now, Kjersti!" Arvid flushed.

"Your children will be so stupid it will rupture the space-time continuum and it will take a time traveling group of hyper-intelligent heroes to undo the damage they'll do." I contributed, cheerfully finishing off my drug-porridge. Whatever. If I have to be humiliated, then tortured and die, or whatever, I might as well be stoned off my head.

"Honey, what's a conni-tinny-yum?" The mountainwoman asked her gentleman. Said prince just shook his red hair.

"Why are you guys being so nice to me?" I blurted. Thanks, opiates. It was bothering me. Well, as bothered as I could be about anything. I pondered that the pitcher would be a nice hat, but stopped myself in time. "I mean, I-"

"Am a conniving, two faced, bloodthirsty, sociopathic psycho? That? That I knew." Arvid shifted a bit, seaglass eyes thoughtful. "We haven't forgotten. Nor will we, ever." He rapped his fingers on the back of the chair. "I'm not sure what Elias has planned for you. Will you like it? I hope not. But will it kill you? No."

"There are worse things than death." I replied. Still wanted pitcher hat. Nope. Resist. Urge.

"Sure. But. Right now, worry about getting better." The prince nodded at me.

I stood up on the bed. "Oooh! I'm the Snow King! I'm very pretty and a huuuuugee sparkly jerk! You tried to kill me and beefed it, then I saved you! Ooh! I'm sooo tough!" I knelt down to pick up the pitcher, as my mighty crown. When I turned it over on my head, I found myself drenched.

King Elias walked into the room.

Kjerstin raised her hand. "I refilled the pitcher, while you were talkin'."

Elias gawked at me. Nope, still not a sandwich.

"I see that you're...well?" He ventured. Kjerstin was in hysterics. Arvid looked from his girlfriend, to me, then back again, to his brother, then broke down laughing himself.

"Take me seriously or I will beat you up." I pointed threateningly at Arvid. Elias came up and gently pushed my hand down, gripping my waist and pushing downwards. I resisted at first, looking down on him, for once. There was a diagonal slash across his forehead, neatly stitched. "See? I already beat your brother up."

Elias sighed, using more force. I plopped to the bed, bare knees in front of me. His hands left my waist. That disappointed me, a bit. He sat on the edge of the bed, not too close to me. Yeah. Yeah that's right. Hannah Westergard's no pushover. I wobbled, yawning.

"Before the good doctor's medicine kicks in, I'd like to talk to you, a bit." Elias said levelly.

"It uh...kicked in a few minutes ago." Arvid snorted.

Elias raised a golden brow, but continued. "Firstly, we are not going to kill you. Secondly, we are not going to sell you into the sex trade or something of the like." His scowl darkened. "For you to even think such a thing of us is deplorable."

I stared at him, uneasy. "H-how'd you know I was worried about that?"

"Ya talk in yer sleep." Kjerstin added. The reindeer was back, settling at her feet like a big dog. He stunk.

"Then what in God's name did you bring me here, for?" I fumed.

"We didn't want you to die." Arvid said quietly.

"You may thank my brother for your life, actually." Elias said carefully. "I was...less than willing, at first. But he thought there could be a shred of good in you." He seemed genuinely uncomfortable.

I looked to Arvid, who offered me a grin. "We're gonna see. Kjersti has some...relations...that could perhaps help us pick the best path for you."

The mountainwoman folded her arms and leaned against the wall. "They'll just say she's a fixer upper."

"Right. That's what we're hoping for." Arvid nodded at me. Beside me, Elias was caught in thought, staring down at his own hands.

I folded my legs under me, hands clasped in my lap. I dipped my head, just a bit. I'd give them no more. "Thank you for the chance." I said stiffly. I meant it. But it was so hard to swallow my pride. I fair trembled with emotion.

"Yerp. Try not ta blow it." Kjerstin sailed out of the room. Arvid followed, along with the reindeer. Thankfully, the smell of the reindeer followed.

I was left alone with the Snow King. I was also very drugged. Musing, the king delicately spun frosty tendrils betwixt his fingers, patterns curling and twisting until the knit themselves into a snowflake. In my drug addled state, I reached out to touch it.

He surprised me, jerking his head towards me when he saw my approaching hand.

"Ah, I...sometimes when I'm thinking I forget." He closed his hand around it. I winced, it must have been pointy. With a delicate crunch, it was gone. When he opened his hand again, only swirling blue mist remained. There was not a mark on his hand to be seen.

I knit my brows together, unabashedly leaning in to touch his hand. He froze. "It...doesn't frighten you?"

I snorted. "As if I would fear you, King Elias." I was now thoroughly inspecting his hand, as if that would solve the mystery of his powers. I had one in both of my own, tilting it to and fro. I continued, "I saw you then, in your palace. You are no killer."

He looked over my shoulder, for a few moments.

"You told me something, back then. You told me not to be the monster they thought I was. If all of it was a farce... You and Arvid, saving Arendelle, why would you say something like that?"

I paused my inspection, still holding his hand in both of mine, and stared at him. I shrugged, then quirked a brow. "Don't know what came over me." I laughed. "It's...hmmm..." I leaned in closer to him, to inspect his other hand. The tips of his ears colored red, stark contrast to his nearly white hair. I tapped my fingertips against his palm, curious. Sometimes, his grip was quite cold. Otherwise, cool, like now. Perhaps it varied with emotion? "I can't rightly recall. Maybe I was quite emotional. Who knows." I shrugged.

His hand wrapped around mine, delicately holding my fingers. I also realized, at that point, that I was half leaning on him, breasts pressing right onto his shoulder. One thing I did have was boobs. Yup. I looked downwards into his face, drugs making me wobbly.

"It meant a lot to me." He said simply. "I had high hopes for you. Your betrayal hurt." He gazed at me unflinchingly, blue eyes surrounded by silvery lashes. He had a kingly stare, I thought. I felt my cheeks warm.

I wet my lips, speechless and wide eyed. I could find no words. Strange. He rose, my hand sliding from his, and gently pushed me back. "Now sleep off the draught. You have a lot ahead of you. None of which you will like." He grinned over his shoulder, then left.

I drifted off, frowning a bit. Why did I say that, back then?

AN: Yup. I imagined a female Hans would have quite the rack, for some reason. o.o

Hannah: This porridge is drugged.

Hannah:...

Hannah: YOLO. *eats drug porridge*


End file.
